My most embarrassing moment

About me.
Have you played that amazing (insert sarcasm here) game of telling your most embarrassing moment? Of course you have. Everyone has been asked what their most embarrassing moment was as some sort of method to break the ice in a group setting. I always had trouble coming up with a good story to tell. I tend to live my life trying to avoid those incredibly embarrassing moments because they affect me so greatly. Reliving that moment consumes me for weeks after the event so I try to avoid them at all cost. The story I always told was giving a science presentation in Jr. High with my fly down. I have no idea if anyone noticed but I was still mortified for days. Oh and there was the one time an obnoxious customer told a guy friend who happened to stroll into the store that I wanted him to stick around and talk to him because he was cute. He was VERY cute and yes I did want him to stick around. My face might still be a little red from that moment…


All this to say that I do not have a most embarrassing moment, I have a most embarrassing fact about me. Something my closest friends and small group ladies know but that is it. Here it goes, I am 25 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed, never held hands, never had a boy put his arm around me. All this was a fact that I have been quite proud of actually only the older I got the less normal this fact was and the less proud I was to share it. I have this dream that all those things will be saved for my husband. It would be so amazing to me to be able not only “save” myself for marriage but save everything for the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. This does not mean that I do not daily wish to be held and kissed, to cuddle on the couch with someone. It seems though that it is out of my control. No matter how much I want it something stronger than me is preventing those desires from becoming a reality. I am sort of the real life Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed only I wasn’t the school dork or reject. I'm still waiting though for my moment when Michael Vartan runs down the stadium stairs straight to me and kisses me for my very first kiss. I don’t have something weird about me that scares away boys. I am not hideous physically or personality wise. Through out college I had guy friends ask me out all the time only they were usually the last guy in our group I would want to date. Great friends but not boyfriend material. I did give some of those unlikely guys a chance but it never worked out. I can count on one hand how many dates I have been on in my life. It always seemed like God stepped in and said “Nope, not for you. Remember your decision?”

Now why is God asking me to remember my decision? Because my senior year of high school I liked a boy. This boy had made the decision to only date the woman he was going to marry. When I heard that fact about him a light went off in my head. That sounded like a really good plan to me. How cool would it be to have shared every first with your husband? Well, this was all a great plan when I was 17 but now I’m 25 and I did not think that I would have to wait this long. Now it’s just getting weird and I no longer want to tell people and when I do I feel like I am sharing the most embarrassing story of my life. Do people wonder what it is about me that has kept me single all this time? My close friends who know everything have one response to my lifelong singleness, “I just don’t get it.” They don’t understand why I’m not asked out all the time or why I do not have a boyfriend. Even coworkers who have been in my life for two years are starting to ask. Extended family too. Those who are not aware that I have never had a boyfriend but are starting to wonder why they haven’t heard about any guys in my life.


Nothing will ever beat the cake with the moment my grandmother told me that she and my mom had begun to wonder if I liked boys at all. Ahhh!! My grand mother thinks I’m a lesbian!! I quickly reassured her that I do like boys, quite a lot actually but don’t really like sharing my constant rejection with my mother or grandmother. I am actually fearing that my extended step family is starting to wonder the same thing. At the last family event I was asked when I was going to bring a boy around. I told them I just didn’t meet that many guys. My step-dad quickly interjected that I scare all the boys at work away with my Christian faith joking that I kept a bible on my desk. He told me later he said that because he didn’t want them all to think that there was something wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me? Or is God just making sure I uphold my end of the deal? Alright God. I will uphold my end but You better bring me a good one.