Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Meeting a guy at starbucks

Why I hope to not meet my future husband at Starbucks...



If you have never seen Best In Show it is worth seeing if you like quirky funny movies.

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Unwanted Pursuer


I'm not going to lie. The young career group I go to at church has a lot of really cute Christian guys. I mean really really cute. It's in the heart of Los Angeles where everyone comes to make it big in "The Industry." We've got actors and actresses, models, musicians all trying to make it in the land of stars. It's so hard with all these gorgeous Christian guys around to not crush on oh say 5-6 of them. Filter those 5-6 guys for ones who actually have stable jobs and I'm left with 2 or 3.

But with all those gorgeous guys there are also many gorgeous girls. Ones who look like they go to the gym daily and haven't had a pimple once. Add in a great personality and I'm SOL... yup I said it. What do I end up with? I get the balding out of work actor who corners me for an hour after church. Isn't life just peachy that way?

So here is how it went down. As I was walking to the restroom during meet and greet time a guy quickened his pace behind me to say, "Looks like we are heading to the same place!" Really? That's the best opener you've got? We both have to pee? He proceeds to ask my name and how long I'd been going to the group and I politely asked him the same. We both did our business and I went back to my seat not thinking of him again.

After the service ended I was standing in my aisle getting ready to mingle and there he was looking around then locked eyes on me. I gave the polite "Hi again" wave and was a little horrified when he actually pushed my friend Tom to the side to come sit next to me. For the next hour he asked me questions about myself and no matter how hard I tried I could not get away from him. The Lord has given me a gift of discernment with people and this guy was just rubbing me the wrong way. Here I was talking exclusively to this guy for an hour and I could just hear the doors of possibilities with all the other guys shutting in my face. I was cornered and I could not get out.

I tried to pull friends into our conversation, tried to text my friend who was visiting from out of town and no matter what I did he wouldn't leave. Even when I turned and excluded him out of the conversation for a girl chat he still stood their waiting. Ahhh!! Go away! I tried to signal for Tom's help several times but he was never looking at the right moment to save me. At one point in our conversation he actually said,"Where have you been all my life?!" while touching my knee.... Lord have mercy on me. Haven't I endured enough lately in the world of boys? He stayed by my side until I walked to my car but thankfully my friend joined us walking out and I was not left alone with this guy in the dark.

The next day he had found me on facebook and sent me a long email. I have ignored both hoping the problem would disappear. Unfortunately he was at the Halloween party I attended Saturday night. He found me at one point stating that he'd been looking for me all over. Somehow I got rid of him but don't even remember how it happened. Maybe it was the grace of God or the rum and cokes I was drinking but I avoided another situation and never saw him again that night.

I just pray that tomorrow night I can do just as good of a job avoiding him. I alerted Tom to the situation so he will be on the look out this time. Say a little prayer for me will you?

** Tall boy update. Two weeks after our lunch together and he messages me on facebook asking when our leaders dinner was or if he had missed it and how my Halloween was. Really? Really? You disappear for two weeks and you want to know how my Halloween was? How about you check out my facebook photos from the party with about 5 different gorgeous guys and then ask me how my Halloween was? Didn't think about you once! Punk!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Waiting Game




There are quite a few things about dating that I do not enjoy. The awkwardness of the early stages of dating to be more specific. Some people say they love that part - the nerves, the uncertainty, etc. Well I think they are just crazy and wish I could just skip over that part. I hate wondering if it is even a date or if I should offer to pay and I especially hate waiting for the call back.

Why am I bringing all this up now? Well, I had a date... I think. After missing out on a long car ride with the tall boy of interest (we'll call him Pete) I returned home from the church retreat ready for a new week. Pete had mentioned that we should get lunch soon (since we work so close) after he informed me he was sick and wouldn't make the retreat. So Monday morning I set off to work and was just pulling off the freeway when I heard the *ding* *ding* of my text message. It was from Pete!! He was asking about the retreat and if I wanted to get lunch the next day. I of course said yes and proceeded into work a little bit giddy. It was a lunch "date" and I was quickly getting nervous thinking about it. I told a few friends who all agreed that it wasn't just a friend thing and he was obviously interested in me. I wasn't about to let myself get that excited. I've been let down too many times and have learned to guard my heart. I hate that I can't get my hopes up anymore. They've been crushed so much my heart is on the defense.

Tuesday came quick and I started to get nervous. I sent a text to all my close girl friends asking for prayer to calm my nerves and prayer for a good lunch. Of course each one agreed and demanded a full report when it was over. I headed off to lunch to meet Pete to this cute little sandwich place down the street from both our works. Lunch seemed to go really well although I was still a little nervous throughout. We had a lot in common. We have both traveled all over the world so we talked about traveling quite a bit. Both of our fathers are from Australia and we both have duel citizenships there. We talked about work and church as well but had to cut our conversation short since we both only had an hour.

We headed out and he told me that he would most likely see me at our young career church group that night but he had some things to take care of and may or may not make it. Can you guess what happened? He didn't make it.

Here we are 5 days later and no word from Pete. Friends have been asking me daily for updates and have analyzed the situation over and over. One friend told me that her husband waited a week after both their first and second dates to call her back. But they are married now and having a married person give you an encouragement is like having a married person talk to you about the blessings of singleness and tell you someone will come along one day. You pretty much want to shoot them in the foot so they stop talking. Singleness is a blessing? Really? Are you telling me you would rather be single than married to your husband right now? No? Yea, didn't think so...

I am not emotionally invested in this relationship. I won't be in deep despair and start playing Colbie Caillat "Realize" when this doesn't work out. I just want to get the unknown out of the way. Not interested in me? Ok, time to move on to the next possibility. Then I can tell my friends that it just didn't work out and they will stop asking me everyday if he's called. Next time I'm not telling anyone...

Monday, October 19, 2009

Naming Animals

One of my favorite websites to visit for good stories on singleness is Megan Carson. She is also a single woman who has taken to writing about singleness with some really great perspectives. A while back she talked about Adam naming all the animals in Genesis. God had decided that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone but God did not create Eve until after all the animals were named. Who knows how long that may have taken! So as God is waiting to bring my companion I will name the animals in my life.




  • Learned guitar
  • Leading a small group for two and a half years
  • Became a worship leader
  • Fell in love once
  • Had my heart broken 
  • Moving away for college
  • Traveled to Australia
  • Got to pet a kangaroo, a koala and a cheetah all in one day
  • Learned to snow board
  • Graduated College
  • Discovered my true passion: Music
  • Still have my best friends from middle school in my life
  • Traveled to Italy and France
  • Got yelled at by Vatican guards
  • Left my comfy small town for the big city
  • Sang with some of the most famous Irish folk singers in a pub in Galway, Ireland (nothing like a bunch of drunk Irishmen sing "I'll Fly Away" and "Amazing Grace")
  • Got a job working in the music industry
  • Watching my mom and step-dad get divorced
  • Was asked by my secular coworkers to lead a group prayer in a time of need
  • I have a best friend who is nothing less than my sister
  • Will become an aunt in January
  • Have been told that I am cute and have a "verbal swagger" when I drink
  • Gained 15 pounds in college, lost it, then gained it back again
  • Mentored high school girls
  • Went wine tasting in Paso Robles and Napa
  • Haven't seen my father in 8 years


I know there is so much more but this will be a taste for now. God has blessed me and grown me through so many of these things. What are your animals?




Not Surprised - This always happens...

Well, I would say I am surprised but I'm really not. Things seem to always turn out this way. So on Friday I was supposed to ride to a church retreat with a cute tall boy, just the two of us. I was excited to get to know this new guy and learn more about him. Guess what? It didn't happen.



On Thursday I got a text message from the tall boy saying he had strep throat and would not be making the retreat!! What?? How does this always happen? I know there is a reason this didn't work out but really? Really? It seems that every opportunity I get to spend time with a guy I like is always quashed. Things like this always happen to Francesca and I. Francesca, as I've mentioned before, is my single friend. We go through the same things in our dating (or lack there of) lives. Last spring we were set to take the youth group to Disneyland and there were two other male youth leaders who would be joining the trip that we were both interested in spending more time with. I even doped up on Theraflu to make the trip and guess who the only two people to not make it due to last minute conflicts? Those two boys we liked.

So when I got the text message from tall boy I just wasn't surprised. Instead, I was trying to find last minute carpools so I wouldn't have to drive alone. I ended up driving three of my new guy friends and lets just say it was interesting. There was not enough estrogen in that car ride and I'm pretty sure God used that time to prepare me for having all boys one day.

I have to look at the positive in all this. I am a whole lot closer to my car ride buddies... as one put it, "You know you have three brothers now right?" And from that time I learned more about one of them that I just might be interested in and felt that it might be mutual. We'll see how it all turns out. Tall, sick boy wants to have lunch sometime soon so maybe we'll make up for the lost car ride and I will have a better update.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A boy update


Well, for those of you who read my 3 Strikes post last week asked for an update on the tall cute guy when I saw him again. So tonight was the night I would see him at our follow up leadership meeting. I made sure I looked super cute, put on my high heels--because I hear guys like those horrible things--and my jeans I splurged on because they make me look good. We finished up the leadership meeting then headed over for our young career group meeting. The tall cute boy walked along with me and we chatted about our week. I had my heavy laptop bag from the meeting and wanted so badly to take it to my car but I knew if I did my chances of sitting with him would be slim. So I hobbled in with the heavy bag and my high heels all for the sake of a boy. Well at least it paid off as he asked me where I was sitting (ummm... wherever you go I will go....) and we found some available seats together. During the service I came up with a little idea... (insert evil laugh here) actually its a good plan I think. Next weekend we have our young career retreat that we are both attending. Since we work about a block away from each other it would be oh so convenient to drive together after work on Friday, no? So I proposed the idea and he thought it was a great idea. Phew! I was a little nervous for a second there! So next Friday I will be spending about 2-3 hours in the car with him and hopefully it won't turn into an awkward car ride when we run out of things to talk about. I fear awkward silences. I don't have to wear my heels for that though, right?

Monday, October 5, 2009

I should be sleeping

It's Sunday night and I should be sleeping, but I'm not. I'm writing and listening to some new music. I don't feel ready for the work week as I didn't get much done this weekend. I was crippled all weekend due to a very intensive work out with a personal trainer who decided to focus on my legs for the whole hour (they do need the work). As a result I couldn't even sit in one spot for more than a few minutes without them cramping up.

I did get out today and did a little shopping - I was in need of a little retail therapy - and so I drove 30 minutes out to the mall that has my two favorite stores, Anthropologie and Sephora. I stopped by Gap with a 25% off coupon and bought a few things all of which I will return tomorrow. Just because you have a coupon doesn't mean you have to use it. Next off to Sephora (oh how you make me pretty...) for some new bronzer and my favorite lip gloss (Sephora #20 is awesome). Then to Anthropologie.... words cannot describe how much I love this store. After looking over all the pretty things I went straight to the sale section because I cannot afford anything else in the store until I find myself a rich husband. I walked away with a simple white blouse and a cute green sweeter vest.


I've been thinking a lot about buying a house. Not that I could afford to do that but it's been on my mind since several single women I know have just purchased their first place or are looking for one. I always thought that buying a house would happen after I got married but since that could not happen for a long long long time maybe I should think about doing it on my own. My coworker and I drove through a little neighborhood in Toluca Lake where Bob Hope lived (his wife is still there). We knew immediately which house was his since there was one property that took up a whole block and you couldn't even see a house with it was surrounded by tall bushes. Some of the houses were huge and small were small. There were so many cute houses and I loved that they were all so different. I hate planned developments and there are way too many in the valley. Each house in this neighborhood had character and history. I picked out several I wanted but I am doubting that I will be able to afford a house in Bob Hope's neighborhood. Even a really small one...

Think Santa would bring me this one for Christmas?



Oh and as I was looking for a photo of one of the cute houses in Toluca Lake I discovered that Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff, Ashley Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens all reside in Toluca Lake. I might change my mind about living there for fear that they might all come out of their houses and run down the street singing and dancing like one big, live High School Musical/Disney Channel nightmare. What makes them think they are worthy enough to walk the streets of the great Bob Hope? What sort of horrible force is drawing all of these teen obsessions there?

Friday, October 2, 2009

My Thing - a post about purpose


Something got me thinking today. Well, I'm always thinking but I mean the thinking that leads to big revelations and realizations about your life. This morning I decided to check a blog I don't normally read. Something just drew me to her blog today and as I read it my name jumped out at me!

She had written a post about not being able to find her "thing." Something she excels at in life - something she is truly passionate about. She references two people she believed had found their "thing": one girl who was very smart and politically active and myself!! I have another blog that is dedicated to my passion: music. (Some of you may start connecting the dots...) She praised my music blog and my ability to find my "thing."

I read through so many of the comments from others who felt like they couldn't find their "thing" either. For some it was a constant struggle to find something they excelled at and others had just given up. That's when I made my first realization about why it is so hard to find our "thing" and even when we do we can become easily discouraged. I believe that when we are close to finding our "thing" that Satan wants to stop us. We aren't as vulnerable to his lies when we find our purpose and discover the gifts God has given ALL of us. I actually find encouragement in that fact. When we are on the right path that is when we are attacked the most. So find hope through those times!

My second realization came from wondering why I had found my "thing." I looked at several of the responses, many from my close friends, and I realized that all of the girls that couldn't find their "thing" had always had a man in their lives. As I observe these relationships I see these women finding purpose and identity in the men they are with. As a result they may not explore what their own passions are. This is not the case for everyone as there are no set rules for how things happen. As I look at myself I see how I have had 25 years to discover who I am independently of anyone else only accountable to God. I have been free to discover who I am and the gifts God has given me. A friend once told me that she was jealous of me because I had the opportunity to figure out who I am and that she had not because she had always had a boyfriend and was now married.

I may wish I had someone to share my life with but I would never give up this opportunity I have had to discover the gifts and purpose God has given me. I suppose there is more to discover as I am still very single with no light at the end of the tunnel.



Thursday, October 1, 2009

3 Strikes And You're Out!



Since I moved down to the big city of Los Angeles just two years ago I have not met any quality Christian men. I have had some trouble finding a church to feel settled in but finally after many other attempts I have found one that seems to be working out. The church has a huge young career group of 200 or so people my age. You would think with all these single people that my chances of meeting a guy would go up but wouldn't you know that the guys in the group are known for never asking the girls out. It is sort of a running joke. Of course that is the church I would settle on, right? I've been meeting a lot of new people and feeling like I have a home there with the exception of not being able to get involved with the worship team there. It is worse than trying to break into Hollywood with all the incredibly talented individuals who flock to L.A. and would love the chance to sing in front of a congregation where 80% of the members are in the entertainment industry. I on the other hand do not want to be seen, I just want to lead worship.

Besides the worship things have gone well enough there that I asked the young career pastor if I could be a part of leadership for the group. He invited me to their all day planning meeting last Saturday and I happily attended. Well, there was one other new leadership member at the meeting and that is where my story of the day begins.

As I walked in the room I was quickly greeted by a tall handsome guy (We'll call him Jake). When I say tall I am talking 6'7" tall. I have always said I wanted a tall man but whoa! Jake was new like me and didn't really know anyone. Besides being very tall and attractive his eagerness to get involved in leadership and serve where ever there was a need peaked my interest. Something I find very attractive in a man is the leadership quality. Someone who takes on responsibilities they don't necessarily need to.

The day went on and he an I were both put in the small groups group since that is where there was the biggest need. After many hours of talking and coming up with ideas we decided to take a break and all drive to Starbucks for a afternoon jolt. We all started cramming in cars and it looked like most were already full. I was ready to turn around to take my own car when Jake called out to me,

"Hey Kaydence! Want to ride in my car with me?"

Hmm, do I want to ride just the two of us in your car? Alone?

"Sure!"

I started to make my way over to his car when this type A, outgoing, actress called out to us,

"What are you doing?! There are two seats in our car!"

I'm pretty sure I growled out loud at her exclamation. She most likely had the best of intentions but in that moment I hated her with a fiery passion. Doesn't she realize that I haven't met a good guy in over two years?! So I moped over to the car where I squished into the middle seat with Jake and then sat quietly as Jake and Type A talked about college football, something I know nothing about. I was so wishing I actually went to a college with a good football team at that moment. STRIKE ONE

After we finished our meeting the leader took us all out to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We had to wait for quite a while since we were a big group and eventually I found myself in a small cluster of people with Jake. I had my opening and I began to ask Jake more about himself and what he did for a living. Turns out he works just two blocks from my work. At that revelation Jake exclaimed,

"We should totally hang out sometime since we are so close,"

As the shock of what he had just proposed wore off I began to reply. I barely got a yes out before someone was shouting that our table was ready and the moment was lost. All I could get out was a half hearted "Yea..."that sounded more like a brush off than an enthusiastic "Yes! I would love to hang out with you sometime!" We made our way over to our table and some other girls swooped in and sat next to him at the table. "Grrrr...." STRIKE TWO

After dinner was done we all sat for a while at the table chatting. Jake had parked next to me so I was looking forward to walking out with him. My good girlfriend from small group was sitting next to me and she set off to the restrooms telling me that she would be right back. Of course as soon as she left everyone decided to leave. People were making there way to the door and there was Jake waiting to walk out with people. What to do?! I couldn't just leave my friend behind but there was my last chance with Jake. Well, I just couldn't ditch out on a friend so I stood back with a few others. It so obviously looked like I was trying not to walk out with him. He gave up and walked out with some of the guys. "GRRRRR...." Ugh, STRIKE THREE

The whole way home I kept reliving those failed opportunities in my head. He probably thinks I'm not interested. What to do? I'll just Facebook stalk him. Maybe if I find him it will show some interest. Or I will just look like a stalker. Why do these things always happen to me!! Again if I believed in luck I would believe I had the worst of it.

Updates to come the next time I see him next Tuesday.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Roommate Effect


Have you ever considered yourself a lucky person? Now I don't believe in luck but I seem to be a good luck charm to others. My roommates to be exact. It is a well know fact that every girl I have ever lived with has gotten married. Most of them met their husbands while living with me. My coworker jokes that I could have my own show on Bravo. "Want to get married? Live with this lucky woman for a few months and bam! You'll find the man of your dreams." I used to say something was in the water that apparently I was not drinking but now I realize that it wasn't the water, it's me! 


All this was brought about by the fact that my last roommate just got engaged. We lived together for only 5 months but I told her the first week after we moved in that she would most likely find her husband while living with me. Oh, how true I was!


Usually when I tell people about this they will either ask if they can be my roommate or they will tell me I should go live alone and then maybe I'll rub off on myself. That doesn't really make sense to me and I don't like living alone. As an only child I spent way too much time alone. Quiet housing scare me as I don't have roommates to claim the creaky noises in the night or to wake up if there is an intruder since I am a very deep sleeper. Yea, I don't think living alone is my thing. 


Although, when I think about it, all of my friends are married whether they were my roommate or not. I believe that I attract people who are in that stage of life. Men and women who are more mature and ready for that next stage of life. Most of my friends we're married by age 23. In a span of two years I was a bridesmaid 6 times! One day this tradition will end and it will be my turn but until then I need to find a dress to wear to another wedding!!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Pancake mix for one please? A ranting on something silly

Saturday is my favorite day of the week. I love sleeping in, going to the farmer's market for organic veggies, tuberoses and tamales. Most of all I love being able to take my time before rushing out the door. I get to take my time making my favorite meal of the day, breakfast.


Making pancakes from scratch with blueberries and/or bananas, fresh coffee and music playing is my ideal morning. This last Saturday started out well as it was the first morning in a long time that I have been able to do my little routine. I am in a new apartment with new roommates who seem to be up at 6 am even on Saturday and have already had breakfast and rearranged the furniture. Did I mention I am not a morning person? So then it was breakfast for one. I have been used to making breakfast for my family and prior roommates I was a little stumped on how to do it for just one person. 


Coffee first though, I need a clear head for measuring and mixing things. That took awhile due to the fact that I was using my roommates coffee pot where it grinds the beans for you. Well, with all its fancy features I forgot about a coffee filter! After the brewing had stopped I nervously looked inside. A three day old filter and grounds along with my new ones peered back at me. I wonder how much mold was on that grounds? Well, attempt two and I finally have it figured out. Oh, it smells so good! Next I looked at the smallest quantity on the pancake recipe. 11-12 pancakes!! I can usually only eat two and there is no way to half the recipe without halfing an egg and I couldn't see that really working out. Must I use the "just add water" mix because I'm cooking for one? Once you've had from scratch pancakes you just can't go back to that. 



My bittersweet blueberry pancakes and coffee


Well I refused and ended up with a huge bowl of leftover batter. Seems like a silly thing but all that left over batter represents the family I don't have. The husband and kids I would love to be able to cook for. I see all my friends with husbands and babies on the way and I am here alone on Saturday morning with my excess pancake batter. I am ridiculous I know. I hate Saturday mornings.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The loss of a great woman

I found out some very sad news today. Yesterday a family friend passed away after a year long battle with stomach cancer. Carol was only 57 years old and was the mother of one of my high school friends. I lost contact with them when they relocated to the east coast but Carol was not an easy women to forget. She was one of the strongest women I know. A lawyer, fierce but gentle, a wonderful mother and she loved the Lord. She is the type of woman I aspire to be. Through out high school their beautiful home was always the setting for youth groups BBQs and pool parties even after her daughter Christine graduated.


Carol was truly a beautiful woman of God and my heart breaks for her family. Her daughter Christine was just married a few months ago and praise God Carol was able to stop the chemo and be well enough to enjoy that special day. Her husband has been madly in love with her since the very beginning and his love did not fade with time. How could you not love such an amazing woman.





Carol was a blogger herself. She chronicled her journey over the last year. I began to read it today but was so overwhelmed I couldn't continue. She and her family were so faithful and trusting in the Lord through out this whole terrible process.


My heart broke when I heard of her passing but I thank God that she has gone on to be with Him and is no longer in pain and suffering. The thought of my own mother going through something like that makes me feel sick all over. It is so hard to understand why these tragedies happen. Our world is filled with such filth and cancer has been a horrible side-effect.


I am lifting up her family in prayer and hope for comfort during this time of great loss.


Carol, you have been an inspiration to many and will be greatly missed.


If you wish to read her blog here is the link.


http://carolmarshall.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Dating In Small Town Suburbia


I used to live in a cute small town. This small town is my favorite place in the world and I frequently go there for weekend visits to escape the big city. I had to move away to get a job and do something with my life as I watched all my friends get married. I cherish those weekend trips since all my nearest and dearest friends still live in that small town and being there brings peace to my spirit, which gets overwhelmed with the smog, traffic and dirt of the city. If I could get a job in what I love, which is music, I would move back in a New York minute.


There are some drawbacks to being in a small town. I tell my close friends who beg me to move back to our beautiful little town that the only way I will move back is if there is an amazing job or an amazing man.  Since I want to raise a family in this town the amazing man part would be ideal. Well, my dear friend who I call Love has found a man she would like me to meet. He is a Christian (check that major feature off my list), a photographer (I love creative men) and just the right age and level headed too. She sent me photos of him as well as his photography and my interest peaked even more. He was cute and had an amazing talent. If he plays guitar or piano I will have to marry him.  But the story does not end here. Attempts to get us to meet have failed.


Oh but there is more. I have another dear friend, Francesca. She and Love are the only two I have trusted with this secret blog. Francesca and I actually decided together what her secret name would be. It comes from a fun day of wine tasting and a winery I will never ever go to again. Francesca has been trusted with this blog because she is going through the same stage of life as I am. She is my one and only single friend and without her to share and understand I don’t know what I would do. We seem to have the same problems and are mirroring each other in so many ways.


So, back to our original story of being set up with a small town guy. Francesca is a youth director at the church I attended when I lived in the small town. This past weekend one of the high school girls approached Francesca and told her that they had a great Christian guy to fix her up with. As she told me, you know you are desperate when this proposition from a 17-year-old girl actually interests you. The girl went on to say that she had this Christian guy who was a photographer, 27 years old… do you see where this is going? It was the very same guy Love has been trying to fix me up with! Only to Francesca and I would something like this happen and two different matchmakers would set us up with the same man. All we could do was laugh but we knew that there has to be a shortage of good Christian men.


I quickly told Love that she better get working on this set up before a high school girl beat her to it. Even if it doesn’t work out with the photographer and myself, there is a cute blond named Francesca he just might like.

Monday, September 21, 2009

My most embarrassing moment

About me.
Have you played that amazing (insert sarcasm here) game of telling your most embarrassing moment? Of course you have. Everyone has been asked what their most embarrassing moment was as some sort of method to break the ice in a group setting. I always had trouble coming up with a good story to tell. I tend to live my life trying to avoid those incredibly embarrassing moments because they affect me so greatly. Reliving that moment consumes me for weeks after the event so I try to avoid them at all cost. The story I always told was giving a science presentation in Jr. High with my fly down. I have no idea if anyone noticed but I was still mortified for days. Oh and there was the one time an obnoxious customer told a guy friend who happened to stroll into the store that I wanted him to stick around and talk to him because he was cute. He was VERY cute and yes I did want him to stick around. My face might still be a little red from that moment…


All this to say that I do not have a most embarrassing moment, I have a most embarrassing fact about me. Something my closest friends and small group ladies know but that is it. Here it goes, I am 25 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed, never held hands, never had a boy put his arm around me. All this was a fact that I have been quite proud of actually only the older I got the less normal this fact was and the less proud I was to share it. I have this dream that all those things will be saved for my husband. It would be so amazing to me to be able not only “save” myself for marriage but save everything for the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. This does not mean that I do not daily wish to be held and kissed, to cuddle on the couch with someone. It seems though that it is out of my control. No matter how much I want it something stronger than me is preventing those desires from becoming a reality. I am sort of the real life Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed only I wasn’t the school dork or reject. I'm still waiting though for my moment when Michael Vartan runs down the stadium stairs straight to me and kisses me for my very first kiss. I don’t have something weird about me that scares away boys. I am not hideous physically or personality wise. Through out college I had guy friends ask me out all the time only they were usually the last guy in our group I would want to date. Great friends but not boyfriend material. I did give some of those unlikely guys a chance but it never worked out. I can count on one hand how many dates I have been on in my life. It always seemed like God stepped in and said “Nope, not for you. Remember your decision?”





Now why is God asking me to remember my decision? Because my senior year of high school I liked a boy. This boy had made the decision to only date the woman he was going to marry. When I heard that fact about him a light went off in my head. That sounded like a really good plan to me. How cool would it be to have shared every first with your husband? Well, this was all a great plan when I was 17 but now I’m 25 and I did not think that I would have to wait this long. Now it’s just getting weird and I no longer want to tell people and when I do I feel like I am sharing the most embarrassing story of my life. Do people wonder what it is about me that has kept me single all this time? My close friends who know everything have one response to my lifelong singleness, “I just don’t get it.” They don’t understand why I’m not asked out all the time or why I do not have a boyfriend. Even coworkers who have been in my life for two years are starting to ask. Extended family too. Those who are not aware that I have never had a boyfriend but are starting to wonder why they haven’t heard about any guys in my life.


Nothing will ever beat the cake with the moment my grandmother told me that she and my mom had begun to wonder if I liked boys at all. Ahhh!! My grand mother thinks I’m a lesbian!! I quickly reassured her that I do like boys, quite a lot actually but don’t really like sharing my constant rejection with my mother or grandmother. I am actually fearing that my extended step family is starting to wonder the same thing. At the last family event I was asked when I was going to bring a boy around. I told them I just didn’t meet that many guys. My step-dad quickly interjected that I scare all the boys at work away with my Christian faith joking that I kept a bible on my desk. He told me later he said that because he didn’t want them all to think that there was something wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me? Or is God just making sure I uphold my end of the deal? Alright God. I will uphold my end but You better bring me a good one.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A New Page

A blog. About being single. I’m sure this has been done before. Actually, I know there is a woman who is having her own book published from her blog on finding love (or lack there of). The reasons I’m doing this are not to get readers or gain notoriety. I am doing this as a form of therapy, to get my emotions and experiences out onto cyber paper. Some experiences are funny, some tragic and some insignificant but to me a mountainous issue. I was inspired to do this by a very good friend. She herself started a secret blog that most of her friends and family were not aware of. I was one of the privileged few that she knew and was willing to share this new blog with. Her collection of writings on motherhood, marriage and overall life are brutally honest and cherished by her cyber blogging friends. They feel comfort in sharing in each other’s stories, being able to relate to someone who is going through the similar things they are. Her first purpose is therapy writing and the second is the fellowship of mommy bloggers. As she woes and rejoices about life and motherhood and balancing everything I woe to her about being single and not meeting anyone. She encouraged me to try blogging, secret blogging actually. A new account, a different name, and I now have myself my own secret blog. So, my name is not Kaydence Mesy. It is my alias so that I can feel completely free to write and post anything without having to filter it. Along with that names will be changed to protect the identity of the people in my stories. All this to be able to freely share what’s on my mind and heart. Or maybe its just that I used to want to be a spy and I have always wanted and alias ;)