The Waiting Game

{for photo credit}

There are quite a few things about dating that I do not enjoy. The awkwardness of the early stages of dating to be more specific. Some people say they love that part - the nerves, the uncertainty, etc. Well I think they are just crazy and wish I could just skip over that part. I hate wondering if it is even a date or if I should offer to pay and I especially hate waiting for the call back.

Why am I bringing all this up now? Well, I had a date... I think. After missing out on a long car ride with the tall boy of interest (we'll call him Pete) I returned home from the church retreat ready for a new week. Pete had mentioned that we should get lunch soon (since we work so close) after he informed me he was sick and wouldn't make the retreat. So Monday morning I set off to work and was just pulling off the freeway when I heard the *ding* *ding* of my text message. It was from Pete!! He was asking about the retreat and if I wanted to get lunch the next day. I of course said yes and proceeded into work a little bit giddy. It was a lunch "date" and I was quickly getting nervous thinking about it. I told a few friends who all agreed that it wasn't just a friend thing and he was obviously interested in me. I wasn't about to let myself get that excited. I've been let down too many times and have learned to guard my heart. I hate that I can't get my hopes up anymore. They've been crushed so much my heart is on the defense.

Tuesday came quick and I started to get nervous. I sent a text to all my close girl friends asking for prayer to calm my nerves and prayer for a good lunch. Of course each one agreed and demanded a full report when it was over. I headed off to lunch to meet Pete to this cute little sandwich place down the street from both our works. Lunch seemed to go really well although I was still a little nervous throughout. We had a lot in common. We have both traveled all over the world so we talked about traveling quite a bit. Both of our fathers are from Australia and we both have duel citizenships there. We talked about work and church as well but had to cut our conversation short since we both only had an hour.

We headed out and he told me that he would most likely see me at our young career church group that night but he had some things to take care of and may or may not make it. Can you guess what happened? He didn't make it.

Here we are 5 days later and no word from Pete. Friends have been asking me daily for updates and have analyzed the situation over and over. One friend told me that her husband waited a week after both their first and second dates to call her back. But they are married now and having a married person give you an encouragement is like having a married person talk to you about the blessings of singleness and tell you someone will come along one day. You pretty much want to shoot them in the foot so they stop talking. Singleness is a blessing? Really? Are you telling me you would rather be single than married to your husband right now? No? Yea, didn't think so...

I am not emotionally invested in this relationship. I won't be in deep despair and start playing Colbie Caillat "Realize" when this doesn't work out. I just want to get the unknown out of the way. Not interested in me? Ok, time to move on to the next possibility. Then I can tell my friends that it just didn't work out and they will stop asking me everyday if he's called. Next time I'm not telling anyone...

Naming Animals

One of my favorite websites to visit for good stories on singleness is Megan Carson. She is also a single woman who has taken to writing about singleness with some really great perspectives. A while back she talked about Adam naming all the animals in Genesis. God had decided that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone but God did not create Eve until after all the animals were named. Who knows how long that may have taken! So as God is waiting to bring my companion I will name the animals in my life.

• Learned guitar
• Leading a small group for two and a half years
• Became a worship leader
• Fell in love once
• Had my heart broken 
• Moving away for college
• Traveled to Australia
• Got to pet a kangaroo, a koala and a cheetah all in one day
• Learned to snow board
• Graduated College
• Discovered my true passion: Music
• Still have my best friends from middle school in my life
• Traveled to Italy and France
• Got yelled at by Vatican guards
• Left my comfy small town for the big city
• Sang with some of the most famous Irish folk singers in a pub in Galway, Ireland (nothing like a bunch of drunk Irishmen sing "I'll Fly Away" and "Amazing Grace")
• Got a job working in the music industry
• Watching my mom and step-dad get divorced
• Was asked by my secular coworkers to lead a group prayer in a time of need
• I have a best friend who is nothing less than my sister
• Will become an aunt in January
• Have been told that I am cute and have a "verbal swagger" when I drink
• Gained 15 pounds in college, lost it, then gained it back again
• Mentored high school girls
• Went wine tasting in Paso Robles and Napa
• Haven't seen my father in 8 years

I know there is so much more but this will be a taste for now. God has blessed me and grown me through so many of these things. What are your animals?

Not Surprised - This always happens...

Well, I would say I am surprised but I'm really not. Things seem to always turn out this way. So on Friday I was supposed to ride to a church retreat with a cute tall boy, just the two of us. I was excited to get to know this new guy and learn more about him. Guess what? It didn't happen.

On Thursday I got a text message from the tall boy saying he had strep throat and would not be making the retreat!! What?? How does this always happen? I know there is a reason this didn't work out but really? Really? It seems that every opportunity I get to spend time with a guy I like is always quashed. Things like this always happen to Francesca and I. Francesca, as I've mentioned before, is my single friend. We go through the same things in our dating (or lack there of) lives. Last spring we were set to take the youth group to Disneyland and there were two other male youth leaders who would be joining the trip that we were both interested in spending more time with. I even doped up on Theraflu to make the trip and guess who the only two people to not make it due to last minute conflicts? Those two boys we liked.

So when I got the text message from tall boy I just wasn't surprised. Instead, I was trying to find last minute carpools so I wouldn't have to drive alone. I ended up driving three of my new guy friends and lets just say it was interesting. There was not enough estrogen in that car ride and I'm pretty sure God used that time to prepare me for having all boys one day.

I have to look at the positive in all this. I am a whole lot closer to my car ride buddies... as one put it, "You know you have three brothers now right?" And from that time I learned more about one of them that I just might be interested in and felt that it might be mutual. We'll see how it all turns out. Tall, sick boy wants to have lunch sometime soon so maybe we'll make up for the lost car ride and I will have a better update.

A boy update

Well, for those of you who read my 3 Strikes post last week asked for an update on the tall cute guy when I saw him again. So tonight was the night I would see him at our follow up leadership meeting. I made sure I looked super cute, put on my high heels--because I hear guys like those horrible things--and my jeans I splurged on because they make me look good. We finished up the leadership meeting then headed over for our young career group meeting. The tall cute boy walked along with me and we chatted about our week. I had my heavy laptop bag from the meeting and wanted so badly to take it to my car but I knew if I did my chances of sitting with him would be slim. So I hobbled in with the heavy bag and my high heels all for the sake of a boy. Well at least it paid off as he asked me where I was sitting (ummm... wherever you go I will go....) and we found some available seats together. During the service I came up with a little idea... (insert evil laugh here) actually its a good plan I think. Next weekend we have our young career retreat that we are both attending. Since we work about a block away from each other it would be oh so convenient to drive together after work on Friday, no? So I proposed the idea and he thought it was a great idea. Phew! I was a little nervous for a second there! So next Friday I will be spending about 2-3 hours in the car with him and hopefully it won't turn into an awkward car ride when we run out of things to talk about. I fear awkward silences. I don't have to wear my heels for that though, right?

I should be sleeping

It's Sunday night and I should be sleeping, but I'm not. I'm writing and listening to some new music. I don't feel ready for the work week as I didn't get much done this weekend. I was crippled all weekend due to a very intensive work out with a personal trainer who decided to focus on my legs for the whole hour (they do need the work). As a result I couldn't even sit in one spot for more than a few minutes without them cramping up.

I did get out today and did a little shopping - I was in need of a little retail therapy - and so I drove 30 minutes out to the mall that has my two favorite stores, Anthropologie and Sephora. I stopped by Gap with a 25% off coupon and bought a few things all of which I will return tomorrow. Just because you have a coupon doesn't mean you have to use it. Next off to Sephora (oh how you make me pretty...) for some new bronzer and my favorite lip gloss (Sephora #20 is awesome). Then to Anthropologie.... words cannot describe how much I love this store. After looking over all the pretty things I went straight to the sale section because I cannot afford anything else in the store until I find myself a rich husband. I walked away with a simple white blouse and a cute green sweeter vest.

I've been thinking a lot about buying a house. Not that I could afford to do that but it's been on my mind since several single women I know have just purchased their first place or are looking for one. I always thought that buying a house would happen after I got married but since that could not happen for a long long long time maybe I should think about doing it on my own. My coworker and I drove through a little neighborhood in Toluca Lake where Bob Hope lived (his wife is still there). We knew immediately which house was his since there was one property that took up a whole block and you couldn't even see a house with it was surrounded by tall bushes. Some of the houses were huge and small were small. There were so many cute houses and I loved that they were all so different. I hate planned developments and there are way too many in the valley. Each house in this neighborhood had character and history. I picked out several I wanted but I am doubting that I will be able to afford a house in Bob Hope's neighborhood. Even a really small one...

Think Santa would bring me this one for Christmas?

Oh and as I was looking for a photo of one of the cute houses in Toluca Lake I discovered that Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff, Ashley Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens all reside in Toluca Lake. I might change my mind about living there for fear that they might all come out of their houses and run down the street singing and dancing like one big, live High School Musical/Disney Channel nightmare. What makes them think they are worthy enough to walk the streets of the great Bob Hope? What sort of horrible force is drawing all of these teen obsessions there?

My Thing - a post about purpose

Something got me thinking today. Well, I'm always thinking but I mean the thinking that leads to big revelations and realizations about your life. This morning I decided to check a blog I don't normally read. Something just drew me to her blog today and as I read it my name jumped out at me!

She had written a post about not being able to find her "thing." Something she excels at in life - something she is truly passionate about. She references two people she believed had found their "thing": one girl who was very smart and politically active and myself!! I have another blog that is dedicated to my passion: music. (Some of you may start connecting the dots...) She praised my music blog and my ability to find my "thing."

I read through so many of the comments from others who felt like they couldn't find their "thing" either. For some it was a constant struggle to find something they excelled at and others had just given up. That's when I made my first realization about why it is so hard to find our "thing" and even when we do we can become easily discouraged. I believe that when we are close to finding our "thing" that Satan wants to stop us. We aren't as vulnerable to his lies when we find our purpose and discover the gifts God has given ALL of us. I actually find encouragement in that fact. When we are on the right path that is when we are attacked the most. So find hope through those times!

My second realization came from wondering why I had found my "thing." I looked at several of the responses, many from my close friends, and I realized that all of the girls that couldn't find their "thing" had always had a man in their lives. As I observe these relationships I see these women finding purpose and identity in the men they are with. As a result they may not explore what their own passions are. This is not the case for everyone as there are no set rules for how things happen. As I look at myself I see how I have had 25 years to discover who I am independently of anyone else only accountable to God. I have been free to discover who I am and the gifts God has given me. A friend once told me that she was jealous of me because I had the opportunity to figure out who I am and that she had not because she had always had a boyfriend and was now married.

I may wish I had someone to share my life with but I would never give up this opportunity I have had to discover the gifts and purpose God has given me. I suppose there is more to discover as I am still very single with no light at the end of the tunnel.

3 Strikes And You're Out!

Since I moved down to the big city of Los Angeles just two years ago I have not met any quality Christian men. I have had some trouble finding a church to feel settled in but finally after many other attempts I have found one that seems to be working out. The church has a huge young career group of 200 or so people my age. You would think with all these single people that my chances of meeting a guy would go up but wouldn't you know that the guys in the group are known for never asking the girls out. It is sort of a running joke. Of course that is the church I would settle on, right? I've been meeting a lot of new people and feeling like I have a home there with the exception of not being able to get involved with the worship team there. It is worse than trying to break into Hollywood with all the incredibly talented individuals who flock to L.A. and would love the chance to sing in front of a congregation where 80% of the members are in the entertainment industry. I on the other hand do not want to be seen, I just want to lead worship.

Besides the worship things have gone well enough there that I asked the young career pastor if I could be a part of leadership for the group. He invited me to their all day planning meeting last Saturday and I happily attended. Well, there was one other new leadership member at the meeting and that is where my story of the day begins.

As I walked in the room I was quickly greeted by a tall handsome guy (We'll call him Jake). When I say tall I am talking 6'7" tall. I have always said I wanted a tall man but whoa! Jake was new like me and didn't really know anyone. Besides being very tall and attractive his eagerness to get involved in leadership and serve where ever there was a need peaked my interest. Something I find very attractive in a man is the leadership quality. Someone who takes on responsibilities they don't necessarily need to.

The day went on and he an I were both put in the small groups group since that is where there was the biggest need. After many hours of talking and coming up with ideas we decided to take a break and all drive to Starbucks for a afternoon jolt. We all started cramming in cars and it looked like most were already full. I was ready to turn around to take my own car when Jake called out to me,

"Hey Kaydence! Want to ride in my car with me?"

Hmm, do I want to ride just the two of us in your car? Alone?

"Sure!"

I started to make my way over to his car when this type A, outgoing, actress called out to us,

"What are you doing?! There are two seats in our car!"

I'm pretty sure I growled out loud at her exclamation. She most likely had the best of intentions but in that moment I hated her with a fiery passion. Doesn't she realize that I haven't met a good guy in over two years?! So I moped over to the car where I squished into the middle seat with Jake and then sat quietly as Jake and Type A talked about college football, something I know nothing about. I was so wishing I actually went to a college with a good football team at that moment. STRIKE ONE

After we finished our meeting the leader took us all out to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We had to wait for quite a while since we were a big group and eventually I found myself in a small cluster of people with Jake. I had my opening and I began to ask Jake more about himself and what he did for a living. Turns out he works just two blocks from my work. At that revelation Jake exclaimed,

"We should totally hang out sometime since we are so close,"

As the shock of what he had just proposed wore off I began to reply. I barely got a yes out before someone was shouting that our table was ready and the moment was lost. All I could get out was a half hearted "Yea..."that sounded more like a brush off than an enthusiastic "Yes! I would love to hang out with you sometime!" We made our way over to our table and some other girls swooped in and sat next to him at the table. "Grrrr...." STRIKE TWO

After dinner was done we all sat for a while at the table chatting. Jake had parked next to me so I was looking forward to walking out with him. My good girlfriend from small group was sitting next to me and she set off to the restrooms telling me that she would be right back. Of course as soon as she left everyone decided to leave. People were making there way to the door and there was Jake waiting to walk out with people. What to do?! I couldn't just leave my friend behind but there was my last chance with Jake. Well, I just couldn't ditch out on a friend so I stood back with a few others. It so obviously looked like I was trying not to walk out with him. He gave up and walked out with some of the guys. "GRRRRR...." Ugh, STRIKE THREE

The whole way home I kept reliving those failed opportunities in my head. He probably thinks I'm not interested. What to do? I'll just Facebook stalk him. Maybe if I find him it will show some interest. Or I will just look like a stalker. Why do these things always happen to me!! Again if I believed in luck I would believe I had the worst of it.

Updates to come the next time I see him next Tuesday.